“What I’ve Done”~Linkin Park

“She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.” ~Brian Andreas

For a long time I’d cried because I was sad… now I find myself crying even more but mostly because I’m happy =] Makes perfect sense to me!

April 18, 1975, my high school sweetheart and husband of seven years was killed in a solo motorcycle accident leaving me with two son’s, one four and a half the other 18 months old. As the years pass there’s fewer and fewer who knew him and what a special soul he was. Thirty-four years have passed and the 27 years he lived hasn’t faded a bit for me. He was gentle and loving, clumsy and silly; he had the most beautiful blue eyes and the most handsome face. He was courageous and strong. He was loyal to his family and friends and very hard working. He was mechanically inclined and although he was very careful he still had a daredevil-ness about him. He was wiry and had a fist fight or two while in his prime. He was like the Fonz. Cool hair, leather jacket, jeans, white T-shirt with a pack of smokes tucked in a rolled up sleeve.… it WAS the 60’s you know… and could he play the drums!! Everyone liked Trinon. He was a man’s man but the girls liked him too because he was tender and charming. It’s amazing how our oldest son had his daddy’s sweet disposition growing up and our youngest son looks so much like him. His 1st grandson, and name sake, carries on his charming sweetness more than three decades later. I believe he was his parents’ favorite because he was so loving and family centered. There wasn’t a thing his folks asked him to do that he didn’t do. He wasn’t perfect… unfortunately the year he spent in Viet Nam as a foot solider scared him deeply. He wouldn’t talk about it, to anyone. And if he’d lived much past the six years he survived after coming home I believe he would have had major problems dealing with the horror of combat. I think God took him so he wouldn’t suffer, but not until we’d had 12 years together and two precious sons. And once he stood up to the demands of his parents and told his father he had a young family of his own who deserved his time and energy he finally felt like the man we all knew he was. I sometimes wonder what would have been and know that if Trinon had lived my life and our boys would be totally different than they are today. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and even though I would never have chosen his untimely death there would be people whom I love dearly and can’t imagine not having had in my life for the past 28 years. There are paths that present themselves that we might never have chosen. Stopping to turn and look back occasionally keep those memories vivid. I own him that much and miss him terribly. My biggest regret is our sons will never really know him on this physical plane…. we all will have to wait to meet him on the other side.