Like “good little girls” mom and I are staying strong without dad so as not to bother or worry the rest of the family. Frankly this has been going on for me since my first husband died in 1975, when my boys were 4 and a half and 18 months old and probably since 1957 for my mom when her dad past away. My heart is so empty and just aches for my daddy and the loneliness my mother is facing. Does it ever get any easier?

God bless the ’60’s and all the sillyness that went on…. I’m so glad I was part of it!!

Rules
1. Pick up the nearest book (of at least 123 pages).
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.

This comes from Three Weeks with My Brother by Nicholas Sparks & Micah Sparks.

“If Micah got attention because he was the oldest and my sister got attention for being the only girl, I wanted recognition for something, anything. I yearned for moments when I could be the center of attention at the dinner table, but no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough. While I never doubted that my parents loved me, I couldn’t help but think that had my mother been given Sophie’s choice, I would have been the one sacrificed to save the other two. It was a terrible thing to believe— and as a parent now, I know that attention isn’t the same as love— but the feeling wouldn’t go away.

Comment if you want to play.

Oh wait, no one reads my blog…. LOL 

Happy birthday, daddy!!!

Today, January 15, 2008, would have been my father’s 81st birthday. I’ve been putting off posting about his passing because it came so fast and even though we were praying for God to take him and telling him it was O.K. to go the reality of him gone is awesome.

Not awesome as in wonderfully incredible but awesome as in unbelievably overwhelming.

It’s only been three weeks…. he died at 7:25 A.M. on December 24, 2007. And I thought losing my grand-pap on the 23rd of December, when I was 10, was bad!

We didn’t really have a lot of time to say goodbye, in fact we were so busy trying to find out what was wrong and help my mom care for him there wasn’t really any time to sit around and talk much about it at all.

He wasn’t feeling well in October… we thought it was the fires. November came and went before we knew it, with several trips to the hospital, and then on December 4th he was diagnosed with cancer. Twenty days later he died. The past three weeks have seemed like an eternity. I can’t believe he’s gone.

My daddy.

After 61 years of marriage now my mom’s alone…. having cared for and losing their youngest son just the year before. My heart is broken…. and it aches for my mom.

I know what it means to be widowed. I know what she will go through and it’s numbing. I can’t imagine losing a child, at any age, and I know she will never “get over” that.

It was painful watching him die especially worrying that he might live for months gasping for each breath. Our prayers were answered quickly this time and I know he spent Christmas with my brother Tom, Jesus, and a mother he never knew.

He really was a wonderful man and his wife and family and friends will be missing a huge part of their lives…. I know I will never be the same again.

I also know he lives on in me and my brother and our children and his great grandchildren and their children’s children’s children………

What a beautiful legacy he’s left for all of us.

I love you dad.

And thank you Michael for trying to make it all easier some how…. I know how heart broken you are because he was your father too.

Other January milestones…. My mom turns 80, my brother, 58, Stella’s 3 months old, yes life does go on…..  Katy & Ryan moved to Huntington Beach (newest mantra… it’s only for a year, oh and don’t drink the water!!!)

It is the Glad Season.
Thunder ebbs to silence and lightning sleeps quietly in the corner.
Flood waters recede into memory.
Snow becomes a yielding cushion to aid us
As we make our way to higher ground.

Hope is born again in the faces of children
It rides on the shoulders of our aged as they walk into their sunsets.
Hope spreads around the earth. Brightening all things,
Even hate which crouches breeding in dark corridors.

In our joy, we think we hear a whisper.
At first it is too soft. Then only half heard.
We listen carefully as it gathers strength.
We hear a sweetness.
The word is Peace.
It is loud now. It is louder.
Louder than the explosion of bombs.

We tremble at the sound. We are thrilled by its presence.
It is what we have hungered for.
Not just the absence of war. But, true Peace.
A harmony of spirit, a comfort of courtesies.
Security for our beloveds and their beloveds.

We clap hands and welcome the Peace of Christmas.
We beckon this good season to wait a while with us.
We, Baptist and Buddhist, Methodist and Muslim, say come.
Peace. Come and fill us and our world with your majesty.
 
It is Christmas time, a halting of hate time.

At this Holy Instant, we celebrate the Birth of Jesus Christ..
We jubilate the precious advent of trust.
We shout with glorious tongues at the coming of hope.
All the earth’s tribes loosen their voices
To celebrate the promise of Peace.

We, Angels and Mortal’s, Believers and Non-Believers,
Look heavenward and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at our world and speak the word aloud.
Peace. We look at each other, then into ourselves
And we say without shyness or apology or hesitation.

Peace, My Brother.
Peace, My Sister.
Peace, My Soul.

Excerpt from Amazing Peace: A Christmas Poem
By Dr. Maya Angelou

“Peace is not something you wish for; it’s something you make, something
you do, something you are, and something you give away.” Robert Fulghum

Despite all the ghastliness that is around, human beings are made for goodness. The ones who ought to be held in high regard are not the ones who are militarily powerful, nor even economically prosperous. They are the ones who have a commitment to try and make the world a better place. We – The Elders – will endeavour to support those people and do our best for humanity. - Desmond Tutu

Out of deep concern for the challenges currently facing all of the people of our world, Nelson Mandela, Graça Machel and Desmond Tutu have convened a group of leaders to contribute their wisdom, independent leadership and integrity to tackling some of the world’s toughest problems.

              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

November 2007, was as busy as most Novembers are for our family with several wedding anniversaries including my Aunt Shirley & Uncle Carl’s 60th. Our oldest son’s 37th birthday, our youngest daughter’s boyfriends’ 25th… Our newest granddaughter’s baptism and Thanksgiving for 35 at my brother’s beautiful home….. minus my folks, unfortunately.

My dad has been very ill the last 6-8 weeks. Four trips to the hospital this month plus many, many tests have finally confirmed our worst fear…. cancer. Prognosis is poor. The next few months will be very hard. Our family is strong and supportive of each other so we will survive as a whole and have an opportunity to learn much about ourselves as we face this newest challenge. My parents are incredible people who have spent a lifetime giving of themselves…. it’s time they both reap what they’ve sown as we all encircle them and continue to count our blessing.

Born @ 1:41 AM on Thursday, October 25, 2007, weighing 7 lbs. 8 ozs. and measuring 19 1/2 inches long we are proud to introduce our brand new baby granddaughter…… Stella Renee.

Kari’s labor was fast and her delivery was easy… we are still shaking our heads at how quickly it all went. Matthew figures payback will come when she becomes a holy terror as a teenager. I think they pre-paid by trying so hard to conceive her.

Both us grandma’s were with them the whole time…. the grandpa’s stepped out at the end of labor while she delivered but got to see Stella before she was 10 minutes old. What a privilege to have been part of all three of our grandchildren’s births, thank you Kari & Matt.

Mommy, daddy, & baby are doing wonderfully!!!! When I spoke to Matt today he said Stella was at the “Breastaurant” hahahaha, here we go with the post-pregnancy humor…. you’re gonna need it son =]

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and sweet thoughts, we have all been blessed, once again.

Let the diaper changing begin!!!!!!!!!

BTW…. there was a full moon the night Stella arrived… a night of magic for sure!!

Soanya’s View:

Full moon nights on the ocean are magnificent. The sky is suffused with a soft luminosity as if dawn were arriving at any moment. The clouds take on a crystalline appearance if they are high or a soft billowy gray look if they are low. The stars dim their lights to allow the moon its share of celestial glory. The schooner sails on the moonlit sea, a tiny vessel in a timeless space. The water glitters and melds into itself, liquid light into liquid night. The waves are mesmerizing because they are no longer the familiar rise and fall of water. They become shifting shapes of light that roll as a group and then disperse. With my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the schooner, the brightness of the moon hurts. Still, I gaze in awe and inhale the wind and the magic of the night.

Here’s a fun game to play while we await the arrival of our third grandbaby. My personal best (so far) 60800 <—— damn I’m good!! It keeps me off the streets and away from the candy =]

Other October milestones….. Stella will share a birthday month with her sweet Auntie Leann (33) and husband Uncle Matt (34) October ROX!!!!!!!

Sunday morning Sept. 16th started out eventful. Our female desert tortoise must have laid eggs sometime in May or June as we awoke to four tiny hatchlings crawling around the yard. Michael carefully dug up the suspected nest and found one more wiggling towards the surface half it’s eggshell still attached. Once the grandkids arrived Pop Pop dug a little deeper and found three more eggs buried below that were not fertile. All five are doing well and after spending two winters indoors will join their parents and several other siblings we’ve kept over the years in our backyard. We’ve been raising the endangered species for almost 30 years now.

Top ten pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day 09/19 

10 . Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I’d love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How’d you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day is….

1. Prepare to be boarded.

Happy pillaging!!!!!!!!!!!

Other birthday news for September…. Happy, happy 33rd to “mother-to-be” Kari and our son Matthew’s 34th the other half of the “father-to-be” couple. Your lives are about to change in ways that you can’t even imagine. You’ll wonder why you waited so long once baby Stella arrives.

Yay me…. this month marks the one year anniversary of my blog…. I like to refer to it as my diary, hidden in plain sight. Thanks for dropping in and taking a peek at what makes me tick. Its actually been fun, thanks honey =]

“On And On And On” Wilco’s Sky Blue Sky Album
 
 On and on and on we’ll stay together yeah
 On and on and on we’ll be together yeah
 You and I will try to stay together yeah
 On and on and on we’ll be together yeah
 
 Please don’t cry we’re designed to die
 Don’t deny what’s inside
 On and on and on we’ll stay together yeah
 On and on and on
 On and on and on
 
 One day we’ll disappear together in a dream
 However short or long our lives are going to be
 I will live in you or you will live in me
 Until we disappear together in a dream……………..

August 30, 2007, marks the anniversary of my youngest brother Toms‘ passing. My folks, my brother his wife and my hubby and I spent a really lovely day together. There were fewer tears shed today than I thought there would be…. but I think that’s because we’ve all cried an oceans worth the last few years as he suffered so. We’ve all come to the same conclusion, Tom’s hell was lived through here on earth and now he lives forever in each of us as he’s become a creator and finally knows all the answers that scared him so. That thought makes me smile, and knowing we all will be reunited is the sweetest thought of all.

I miss you Tommy.