Where’s the Rain?

Whenever I hear the piano
I think of my Father & brother

Tears like rain begin to fall
Until my soul is quenched

Cleansed for awhile
I go about my life

Awaiting those sweet notes again
I stop to listen and remember………

Piano sparks the memories
Rain drowns the pain~By me =]

Peter, Paul, and Mary, the gentle Lefties of politics in the ’60s, well known for their strong songs like “If I had a Hammer”, “Puff the Magic Dragon,” and “Leavin’ on a Jet Plane”. Their wonderful folk music will always ring true to this flower girl so I’d like to dedicate my favorite song of theirs to beautiful Mary who passed away today at 72 years old… as we all continue singing against war and poverty and racism some 40+ years later… in her own voice, along with the two who loved her best…. R.I.P Mary

September 2009 marks the third anniversary of this blog aka my diary hidden in plain sight.

Welcome baby Ollie…. you share a birthday month with your Auntie Kathleen and your great Aunt Debi!! What a joy to have been present at our fourth grandchilds birth… thank you Kari and Matthew and congrats to “Big-Sister” Stella. Auntie Leann and Uncle Matt are watching closley as they count down the weeks before they give birth to our fifth grandbaby. Mom’s medication has been changed due to her hospitalization last month and she is feeling sooooooo much better. I’m very unhappy with the over medicating of our elderly and have pretty much decided that from now on I’m not leaving the Dr’s office until all the issues are met. The older I get the more I realize how much I know… so watch the hell out for ME!

It’s been three years ago today since Tom passed away and we are celebrating the up coming birth of our fifth grandchild at Leann’s baby shower. I look around at the 40+ faces and know there are only a couple that remember this bitter sweet day as vividly as I do. It stings that he is gone but the deep pain of the years he suffered and the months he lay dying have been diluted by the sweetness of all the wonderful things we have been blessed with in the past 36 months. Tom would not want us stuck in the past or fearing the future so in his honor I find joy in the present as we continue to keep his memory alive by bestowing his name to his great nephew. Thank you Leann and Matt for naming your first child Brodie Thomas, your tribute means so much to me.

To Brodie, Ollie and their Uncle Tom…. “If Only I Could”

a brand new baby was born yesterday
just in time
papa cried, baby cried
said your tears are like mine
I heard some words
from a friend on the phone
didn’t sound so good
the doctor gave him two weeks to live
I’d give him more if I could

you know that I would now
If only I could

down the middle drops one more
grain of sand
they say that
new life makes losing life
easier to understand
words are kind
they helped ease the mind
of this, my old friend
and though you gotta go
we’ll keep a piece of your soul
one goes out
one comes in~Jack Johnson

July comes in and goes out with a B00M!!!!! So many milestones this July I’ll recap only for posterity…

New glasses… YaY!! Michael’s Aunt Alice Marie turns 80, Mom to the ER, not once but twice, The Hultner’s hosted Katy & Ryan’s fabulous engagement party. Gina’s 1st birthday/baptism and her twin Thomas’s memorial. Bumpty laid eggs, Riley’s 6th birthday; “The Mrs.” laid a baker’s dozen. My beloved Uncle Carl passed away at home surrounded by family. Leann & Matt’s 3rd wedding anniversary, KT continues to help me purge as we plan her wedding and enjoyed her 27th birthday the same day Sandy turned 68. Carter’s camping @ Palomar…. Kari due… no Ollie this month! Year end for our business… busy, busy, busy!

Talk about a rollercoaster ride… this month definitely had its high, high moments and some very low ones as well. But without pain, there can be no pleasure. Without sadness, there can be no happiness. Without misery there can be no beauty. And without these, life is endless, hopeless, doomed and damned. Yep, the month was full…. full of family, just the way I like it =]

“The big reveal” We rolled a bunch of wedding anniversaries, Father’s Day, a baby shower, and birthday all into one big family celebration this month at our home along with an informal reveal of the office and exterior of our house remodel. For all intent and purposes we met our many goals…. after scaling back a tad knowing we need to save our pennies and put a lot of thought into re-landscaping the backyard and remodeling the pool.

We worked with several subcontractors who did an outstanding job from the landscape demo, to sandblasting, the replacement of the entire fascia on both stories, trim painting, re-stuccoing, and some unexpected roof repair, *ouch*. All the sweet touches were loving attended to first by me with all my crazy ideas and thrifty shopping to the other half of our dynamic duo who labored to place each jewel in the perfect spot from exterior lighting, welcome plaques, address numbers, and plants to dozens of other small touches that really has made our house a home…… thank you sweetheart… you do awesome work! All we need now are rain gutters and to have the house tented… then we can take a breath or two until the next project begins =]

Our “Family Celebration” took place on Saturday, June 20th…. all the guys went bowling while us girls had a shower for Kari and baby “Ollie” then enjoyed a yummy BBQ for Father’s Day and for dessert a birthday cake for me. Lots of gifts were given & received by all and I was completely surprised with a gorgeous ring to replace my very well worn wedding ring that had not only lost its luster but several diamonds as well over that last 29 years. I was shocked but pleased and can’t take my eyes off it…. Michael feels the same way about his Weber BBQ… I’m sure LOL

I can’t believe we are half way through 2009, although we have accomplished a ton of things and celebrated many family milestones we still have a lot to look forward to in the months ahead including the much anticipated births of two grandbaby-boys. I missed my dad terrible this Father’s Day but have learned how important it is to enjoy each day and everyone who is still here… thanks to my brother Tommy.

June 22nd…. welcome to the summer of 2009, I am so lucky to be me!!!!!!!! And give praise to God for all His blessings.

If your behavior doesn’t bring happiness, you have the option of changing it. You don’t have to judge it, criticize it, or make yourself wrong, but just observe your behavior, see that it may not be working for you, and give yourself the option and opportunity of changing.

What greater success can you have than being happy with yourself? ~John-Roger

May milestones… We enjoyed a yummy dinner at El Torito for Michael’s 58th birthday and to honor five of us mommies for Mother’s Day. The exterior rehab of our 40+ year old home is going well. The painters, new window install and re-stucco will be completed by end of month. Then the jewelry can go up! Leann’s more than half way through her 1st pregnancy and she’s having a BOY!!! Brodie Thomas will have his own website five months before he’s even born… thanks Pop Pop =] Our number 1 grandson turns 8 while having been inducted into the Huntington Beach school district’s “Scholar Squad” for someone who best represents scholarly ideas and a desire for academic excellence. Check back in twenty or so years to track his achievements… right now he wants to be a fry cook like Sponge Bob and a tattoo artist who plays in a band on Friday nights!!! You go T. C. Bon Voyage Roz Savage and everyone please join me in remembering why we have Monday off for Memorial Day… our military heroes are the real “American Idols” God Bless them all and their families. FYI, it’s been 7 years since I quit smoking… YaY for me =]

“What I’ve Done”~Linkin Park

“She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.” ~Brian Andreas

For a long time I’d cried because I was sad… now I find myself crying even more but mostly because I’m happy =] Makes perfect sense to me!

April 18, 1975, my high school sweetheart and husband of seven years was killed in a solo motorcycle accident leaving me with two son’s, one four and a half the other 18 months old. As the years pass there’s fewer and fewer who knew him and what a special soul he was. Thirty-four years have passed and the 27 years he lived hasn’t faded a bit for me. He was gentle and loving, clumsy and silly; he had the most beautiful blue eyes and the most handsome face. He was courageous and strong. He was loyal to his family and friends and very hard working. He was mechanically inclined and although he was very careful he still had a daredevil-ness about him. He was wiry and had a fist fight or two while in his prime. He was like the Fonz. Cool hair, leather jacket, jeans, white T-shirt with a pack of smokes tucked in a rolled up sleeve.… it WAS the 60’s you know… and could he play the drums!! Everyone liked Trinon. He was a man’s man but the girls liked him too because he was tender and charming. It’s amazing how our oldest son had his daddy’s sweet disposition growing up and our youngest son looks so much like him. His 1st grandson, and name sake, carries on his charming sweetness more than three decades later. I believe he was his parents’ favorite because he was so loving and family centered. There wasn’t a thing his folks asked him to do that he didn’t do. He wasn’t perfect… unfortunately the year he spent in Viet Nam as a foot solider scared him deeply. He wouldn’t talk about it, to anyone. And if he’d lived much past the six years he survived after coming home I believe he would have had major problems dealing with the horror of combat. I think God took him so he wouldn’t suffer, but not until we’d had 12 years together and two precious sons. And once he stood up to the demands of his parents and told his father he had a young family of his own who deserved his time and energy he finally felt like the man we all knew he was. I sometimes wonder what would have been and know that if Trinon had lived my life and our boys would be totally different than they are today. I strongly believe everything happens for a reason and even though I would never have chosen his untimely death there would be people whom I love dearly and can’t imagine not having had in my life for the past 28 years. There are paths that present themselves that we might never have chosen. Stopping to turn and look back occasionally keep those memories vivid. I own him that much and miss him terribly. My biggest regret is our sons will never really know him on this physical plane…. we all will have to wait to meet him on the other side.

Two-yes-two grandbabies coming this year. Leann and Matt heard their baby’s heartbeat today so we can stop holding our breaths and look forward to their first baby coming in early October just two months after Kari & Matthew’s baby Oliver is due the end of July making Stella the official “Big Sister” WOW, five grandchildren… Pop Pop Michael and gram-gram Speedy are lucky-duckies!!!!!

We’ve actually moved back into our remodeled home office… I thought it would never happen. Two months turned into 10+ but we were able to do all the things we wanted and it’s lovely. We came in way under budget and have been breaking our arm’s patting ourselves on the back. There’s really nothing more rewarding than doing it yourself. We’ve begun several other major projects and hope to complete most of them by June but this time we are hiring professionals… should be interesting. The front and back yards have been trimmed back and a parade of contractors will be giving us estimates for re-stuccoing and painting the outside of the house as well as termite repair and a tenting and the replacement of an old bay window. We must have our pool replastered and some hardscape issues addressed as well as new planting in the backyard…. Yep, we are doing our best to stimulate the economy =]

March milestones: Trinon and Kathleen will celebrate their 13th wedding anniversary on the 30th.. way to hang in there you two in spite of all the family health issues and pink slip scare. On March 10th Ryan knocked on our front door and asked for our blessing to marry our youngest daughter. We, of course, said yes and look forward to him joining the family. Ten days later on the first day of spring we traveled to Big Bear and along with Ryan’s parents surprised Katy at a dinner celebrating their engagement. We are excited about planning a wedding for the spring of 2010 and wish the couple all the joys of this special time. Our family just keeps getting bigger and better all the time. What a wonderful way to end the winter and begin a new spring. This March turned out to be so much sweeter than last March….Thank You dear God =]

LOVING EACH DAY……..
Issue yourself a challenge and let that challenge manifest to you all the time: From this moment on, this moment of existence, I will start to find happiness and peacefulness in me. I will call upon the name of God morning, noon, and night. And I will totally dedicate and devote myself to the uplifting of every consciousness who comes by me. Therefore, I will smile inwardly and outwardly. I will not be ashamed of my love. I will demonstrate my love totally. I will just be there and allow everyone else the same space in which to unfold. ~John-Roger~ “Rededicating to Soul Transcendence,” on the New Day Herald website